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Posted on Mar 3, 2017 in Change, Chi Moments, Compassion, Empathy, Present

Embracing the Unknown

Embracing the Unknown

I am still in the unfolding process with my mind/body/spirit of these last couple months. Oh, how I have missed writing and sharing with you. I waited because I needed more information and time to embrace my personal life-changing “chi moment” [which of course I am still doing]. Hence the title of this writing.

The day after Christmas, I went to yoga, showered afterwards and discovered a lump under my right breast, which led to finding two other small ones in my left breast.

I will spare you the all the details of the last 60+ days and just say, on February 13, I had an operation for a bilateral lumpectomy [meaning removed masses from both breasts] with sentinel nodes removal. For someone who has never broken a bone in her body, gave birth naturally with my daughter (no epidural) and having had anesthesia only once [when I was 18 for a nose operation] this was a big deal for me. Let alone having doctors telling me that I had cancerous cells in my body.

When I finally received my pathology back from the surgery 10-days later, it was the best news I could hope for: clean nodes and clean margins! I am so humbled and grateful to have been given this gift of health. And a huge THANKS to all of you [especially my loving husband] who were giving me blessings, doing healing circles and sending me all your kind and loving thoughts… it worked! I so believe in the power of all us.

Some of you are probably thinking, what’s next? Do you have to do chemo, radiation, etc? I do know that it’s a “no” on the chemo—for the rest—it is still unfolding … again embracing the unknown.

You may not be surprised to know that an acronym for cancer came to me during a meditation:

Change
Agent
Natural
Empathy &
Compassion
Rises

For those of us who know people who have gone through the cancer process or have encountered it for themselves, you know it affects more than the person experiencing it. It touches everyone you know—cancer is a Change Agent. It is a Natural way for Empathy & Compassion to Rise to depths you never dreamed possible.

My surgery was during the Qigong Cancer Study I am teaching at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. [ironic right?] I shared my diagnosis with the 23+ plus participants letting them know not only would I be teaching Qigong, but I was also a participant in the study. I said to them, “I am now more relatable,” and we all laughed—funny and true. [I hope to share results of our study with all of you, once all the information has been gathered.]

In the past, I have written on gratitude and how I feel that gratitude changes everything. Through gratitude we become grace personified. Today, I am sharing with you a writing from a dear friend of mine, Charlotte Bell, who has also gone through her own healing experiences. Her writing solidified my feelings about gratitude so simply and eloquently. I believe her body and mine are saying the same thing, “Stop taking me for granted!” It was published in the latest Catalyst magazine, read it here.

Thank you dear chi community for all your loving support. I promise to back sooner than later.

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8 Comments

  1. Dear Toni,

    I am so glad the pathology results were so good. Yay! I look forward to the study findings. Take good care. Love, D’Arcy

    • Thank you D’Arcy .. yes I look forward to the Qigong study findings too ;-!

  2. You are an inspiration in living your truth to all of us!

    • …just doing my best to real, raw and authentic. Thanks Jackie!

  3. So incredibly happy about the clean nodes and margins! Xoxoxo

    • Thank you Emily, and thanks for all the healing love you have been sending.

  4. So very grateful for you, Dear One! I am blessed to have you in my life! Thank you for sharing your journey. I look forward to more unfolding and the gifts that come with it! Love you!

    • Thank you Kristen, I feel blessed to be in this lifetime with all of you beautiful Souls. I will continue to share the unfolding, and thanks for reminding me they are all gifts.

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