The second sacred circle topic in our women’s retreat this year was “Green Flags in People.”

I chose to flip the conversation from red to green flags. A red flag in relationships are intuitive indicators that something needs to be questioned.

So what are the green flags you may be asking yourself? Well below are a few attributes in people:

They celebrate your wins.
Remember small things about you.
They allow you to be fully yourself.
You don’t have to watch what you say.
They make you feel safe.
You feel energized after seeing or speaking with them.

Our evening circle started with a list of a few green flag individuals in our lives along with an explanation of why. Think about your green flag friends and family for a moment, or perhaps list them in writing. I invite you to go a step further and give the individual or people a call or text explaining why. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you are a part of my life and here’s why I see you as a green flag.” I promise, you’ll brighten their day.

I resonate with the Ester Perel’s concept on relationships: There is more than a hint of arrogance in the assumption that we can make our relationships permanent.

Another thing to think about is that BFF actually stands for Best Friends Are Not Forever, but Rather Flexible. You know the person that you might not talk to or see for months or even years, yet you always pick up where you left off when you do get in touch—green flag.

We are reminded by Lao Tzu that “there is nothing you will try to hold on to if you realize that all things change.” We are all aware of this, particularly when interacting with loved ones. The reason behind this is the question. Why do we cling to things that are no longer useful? The short explanation is that we enjoy information and dislike ignorance, which stems from fear.

The opposite of holding onto fear is letting go—and trusting. Letting go and having faith is the antithesis of clinging on out of fear. What else can we do, really? We have two options: either we start to gradually let go and trust, or we keep causing resistance in our lives.

We shared our green flags with one another during the retreat after writing them down. I then asked everyone to recognize positive traits in themselves. Which was a bit more challenging—imagine that.

The positive traits you perceive in other people are actually a mirror image of yourself. Having said that, if someone raises a red flag for you, stop and consider yourself. Is there a part of yourself that they are reflecting back? Well worth considering.

Here are a few areas of your life to think about where your green flags are located. You can also ask a friend to help you identify them if you are having trouble recognizing where they are.

EMOTIONAL
Knowing that emotions are temporary, not fixed
take time before responding; creating a pause
Do not let feelings cloud judgment.

NUANCED UNDERSTANDING
Empathic and open-minded;
realize not everything is black/white;
can easily see things from the others perspective.

FACT: Open-minded people experience deeper satisfaction, inner peace, and better critical thinking skills. According to psychologist Chanrani Mukerjee

SELF-AWARENESS (Self-Worth)
A good grasp of your strengths and weaknesses;
aware of how your behavior affects others;
willing to work on your flaws; admit when you’re wrong
not badmouthing someone out of jealousy.

NO GUILT
Embracing self-care knowing that it helps our mental health;
taking time to do the things that make our hearts sing;
resting and honoring our body.
Create healthy boundaries (read more here)

And lastly, having a positive mindset and attitude. When we have positive outlooks, we have a strong sense of belief in ourselves. It increases our ability to improve whatever negative circumstances we may find ourselves in. Energy follows thought.

By recognizing green flags in ourselves, we can feel more confident in our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.