Our third annual Qigong retreat for women took place over the weekend. This year, “Exploring Spaciousness” was our topic. We spoke about boundaries in one of our sacred circles.

We discussed their appearance as children and their current significance to us. In childhood there could of been one emotion in our family, black-and-white (no gray area), co-dependency, passive-aggressive, martyrs and just do as I say because I said so.

I now see a boundary as a way to allow me to get what I need without feeling bad about it. A personalized border, in contrast to a brick wall, is dynamic.

One excellent example is the qigong pose known as Bamboo in the Wind. We sway while you stand with your feet together and your hands on the lower dantien.

As you stand with your feet together and your hands on the lower dantien, we swing naturally, but we never waver from our rootedness in the ground. We allow our reality (border) to be as flexible and fluid as the wind, and we sink and root into it.

Setting limits is crucial for both our personal and professional health. 

Boundaries are created by and for you; they are never static. 

Indications that a personal boundary could be necessary. Feeling overburdened, becoming angry of others who seek assistance, and avoiding contacts and conversations with others in case they ask for a request from you.

Not every boundary has to be stated aloud at first. For instance, you can have a friend or relative that constantly complains, gossips about other people, or is just domineering and saps your energy. I think of it as my way or the highway.

We have the option to cut ties with that individual. By not answering to their texts automatically; setting an amount of time that is good for you to be with them. Perhaps you could tell them that you only have 45 minutes to visit instead of the two hours of chat. And keep making adjustments in accordance with your demands. 

This individual will notice the shift and ask you why you haven’t been more available if they truly want to be in your life. That is when you may speak your truth, in a gentle and loving way, expressing your affection and disapproval of (complete in the blank) the behavior.

Yes, it can be frightening, which is why you pause, inhale deeply, and then gently tell your truth. Since you have never said it aloud, they might not be aware of how frequently they engage in this conduct or that it annoys you.

Be inquisitive as to why you find some habits or acts bothersome. Is it a childhood memory that triggers memories of past pain, no matter how minor? Before you tell someone else why it is a boundary for you, take a seat and consider your responses. It will improve your relationships and create pathways to the things you require.

Recognize your soft edges before they harden in order to make space in your life. 

To get what’s best for your highest good in relationships, create a boundary bridge.

photo: Jason Gardner@unsplash.com